Desktop Dynamo

I'm aiming for an AIG Executive

They're dropping like flies out there, gang.

One of our great urban legends claims that after the 1929 crash, investors by the dozens were jumping off ledges in New York. The air was thick with the plummeting bodies of the newly-destitute.

Not true, but boy it makes for some great storytelling. I'm sure back in the day there were thousands of folks who would swear they witnessed the torrential rain of mass suicides.

These days, even with the world's economy doing a mega-crash-and-burn, rumors of a modern-day suicide-a-rama haven't bubbled up as yet. But the seeds have been planted, like they always are, with real tragedy. In increasing numbers, the rich are doing themselves in...sometimes in spectacular fashion.

Anyone out there thinking, "...well, maybe things really aren't that bad" ought to note the following: When Germany's richest man, Adolf Merckle...the 94th richest person on this 3rd rock...walks in front of a train, it's because he's done the math and knows the game is lost.

In Chicago, a man parked his Jag in the lot of a wildlife preserve and shot himself to death. Steven L. Good made his money in real estate, which later became ground zero for the economy's implosion.

Two days before Christmas, Rene-Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet slit his wrists after a fund he managed lost a fortune to alleged swindler Bernie Madoff.

I am sure there are more casualties out there. Someone will compile a list and post them as they come in. It's going to be awfully hard for some folks to adjust from dining at Tavern on the Green to surviving on Mc Nuggets-to-go.

So how do we regular Joe's and Jane's deal with the loss of our own more modest fortunes: crushed retirement funds and plummeting property values in the face of skyrocketing unemployment?

I think most of us will get through the tough times somehow. We're used to wealth that never quite trickles down and financial tsunami's that never stop bubbling up. This meltdown is just another in a series of threats to America's greatest endangered species: The Middle Class. We'll fight our way through it, because that's what we have to do. It's in our blood as Americans. Take that licking, and keep on ticking.

I'm reminded of something I read a while back...I really can't remember where...but it was an interview with someone who remembered how their father handled losing his nest egg after the 1929 crash. The father said something along the lines of: "I was poor before. I guess I'm still poor. But we still have to eat."

And back to the grindstone he went ...

Word to the Wise: Apply the "Microsoft" rule to any bad news from the Gubbermint.

Whenever I've buy the Death Star's software, I note the minimum memory requirements and make sure my PC has twice that amount. If it doesn't, I either add memory or don't buy the software. Otherwise, my computer while wheeze like Roseanne on a treadmill.

Whatever Uncle Bill at Microsoft says I need, I double it. That's my rule of thumb.

I use the same rule with economic news from the government, but with a twist. If it's good news, I halve it. If it's bad news I double it.

The folks at the Congressional Budge Office in Washington D.C. (what I like to call the District of Chaos) say we're looking at a $1.2 trillion deficit in 2009.

Double it.

They say the economy will shrink by 2.2%.

Double it.

Unemployment might approach 9%.

I'll give'em a break on this one and say more like 12-15%. But if I'm wrong, it's probably not going to be in their direction.

Sweet Ponzi Dreams...

Was the SEC snoozalating at the switch?

As far as the Bernie Madoff scandal goes, the SEC was not "sleeping at the switch." Granted, sleep can be defined as a state where little is happening in the way of conscious thought or action, but when one is "sleeping" they can be roused.

The SEC was in a coma. More than once, someone tried to snap them out it. But the SEC's collective brainwaves were as flat as a Kansas corn field.

Just wanted to clear that up.

Land of the Czars?

...And what is this trend lately of creating "Czars" for this and "Czars" for that?

Banking Czars. Housing Czars. Education Czars. Chicken Wing Czars (I'm there for that job if it opens up).

We've got Czars by the bucketful. But didn't something bad happen to a Czar in Russia early last century? There might have been a little peasant revolt in there somewhere.

Maybe we should use another name. Like Big Kahuna. The Big Kahuna of Chicken Wings. Yeah...rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it?

More of our Moolah Down the Drain...

Gubbermint to the rescue!

Speaking of Czars...President-Elect Obama plans to "eliminate government waste and improve efficiency" by way of a newly-created position called "Chief Performance Officer".

Sounds like another Czar to me.

So...the prez-elect is creating another layer of bureaucracy to ...umm...make bureaucracy more efficient.

Nothing like creating more Gubbermint to fix busted Gubbermint. Damn the torpedoes! Let's make Bernie Maddoff the "Investment Czar" while we're at it.

Go for the gusto, that's what I say...