Desktop Dynamo

This guy's done!

I love the local news lately. We're making national headlines for all kinds of weird things up here in Northeastern Pennsylvania.

I thought nothing would top the story about a guy living undetected in an attic in Plains Township, my hometown. He helped himself to moolah, clothes, laptops and an IPod while he lived in secret above the unsuspecting heads of the home's owners.

You've got to admit, on the bizzaro scale, that's about a 9.9

Today, another attack of Wyoming Valley Wacky...a woman across the river in Wyoming allegedly tried to skewer her boyfriend with a meat thermometer.

My guess is they were arguing, and this was her unique way of telling him he was done.

What is it with women and kitchen utensils?

In 1994 Lorena Bobbit sent cold chills down every man's spine when she Ginsu'd her husband's groin in perhaps America's most famous domestic horror story (at least from a guy's point of view).

Now they're coming at us with meat thermometers.

Guys...if the little woman is on the warpath, stay out of the kitchen. Better yet, flee to your workshop. If she follows you with an electric mixer, trust me: a jigsaw or a nailgun will be more than a match and give you a fighting chance. But if you stay in the kitchen, you're doomed...or worse, maybe Bobbitized.

Take my advice, fellows: Before going to bed tonight, hide your kitchen appliances so you're sure to wake up all in one piece! Meanwhile, I'm sleeping with one eye open...the coffee grinder's mysteriously gone missing.