Desktop Dynamo

I just read an article that claims seven cups of coffee a day may lead to hallucinations.

Baloney. I drink about 30 cups, and as best as I can tell there are no side effects side effects side effects side effects side effects side effects side effects.

I am the Kaiser. Bow before me.

...there's a nun wearing spandex hiding under my bed. I hear her chanting. No wait, it's not chanting. She's singing the Barney theme.

And...hey...when did the sky turn orange?

Be back soon...coffee cup's empty. I need a java refill...

I seem to have a lot of wardrobe issues. At least once a month I leave the house with something out of kilter. Unmatched socks. Somehow missing a belt loop when feeding the belt around my waist. Skipping a button putting on a shirt. Any given day there's about a 1-in-5 chance I've botched the basic human skill of just getting myself dressed in the morning.

I once walked around the office for several hours wearing a V-neck sweater backwards. Not inside out. Backwards. The V-neck was centered between my shoulder blades and pointing straight down at my butt (where, apparently, my brain resides in the morning). A friend pulled me in her office and let me know, or I'd have walked around like that all day.

A month or so ago I was getting ready for bed. I dropped my pants, and my wife roared with laughter (it's not what you're thinking folks).

Apparently I'd done the sweater trick with my boxers that morning. Backwards. I somehow went through the whole day without noticing. Being a guy, this shouldn't be possible. But it happened.

Today, I pulled a sweater out of the dryer and rushed off to work. There was apparently a static cling party going on in that dryer ...I walked around work for an hour with a sock plastered to the bottom of my sweater.

I guess I'm just not alert enough in the morning. Something must be done, and done immediately.

Starting tomorrow, I'm drinking a fifth pot of coffee before work.