Desktop Dynamo

Okay...time to take a little break from all the gloom and doom. I am bone-tired, feeling goofy, and I have a great big plate of bleu cheese chunkies and monterey pepperjack slices in my lap. I've had half a can of beer, kids, so watch out. I'm out of control.

For tonight's entertainment, let's have some fun with news headlines that made me go "Hmmmmm..."

From CNN Europe: British couple die at assisted suicide clinic.

Umm...wasn't that the point of the trip? Why is that news? They go to a suicide clinic and...ummm...they die.

Now this would be a worthy headline: Freak meteor strike destroys Swiss suicide clinic. Suicidal British couple, lone survivors, pulled alive from rubble.

Irony from the sky...

From AOL: Bus Beheading Suspect Ruled Insane

Well, geeze, I'd certainly hope so. But this ain't exactly news either, is it? One would expect that someone lopping the heads off folks on a Greyhound is likely shooting pool with a crooked stick.

How about this for a headline: Crazed man with sword goes berserk on bus full of midgets. No serious injuries. 12 dwarves suffer bad haircuts.

That's the last freaking time we ride Greyhound...

From Reuters: Dean under consideration for Surgeon General.

That's right...Howard Dean, he of the mighty campaign-ending primal scream, might be our next Surgeon General. Turns out he was a physician before he changed careers.

Boy, I can't wait for that first official surgeon general commercial:

"Hello America...it's Doc Howie! Let's talk about losing weight and getting in shape. First you'll eat a sensible diet...then you'll toss those cancer sticks...then you'll cut down on those wings and beers (especially you, Jimbo)... Then you'll hit the gym... You'll start running on that treadmill... You'll lift weights... And then you ladies will fit into that dress you wore in high school... You fellows can fit in those jeans you wore when you met your wife twenty years ago... You chubby kids will finally be able to do chinups in gym class. Yeah...YEAH...YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!..."

Your cholesterol's down. Yeah! YEAH!...

Okay. Yes, I had two pots of coffee. I'll stop now. Sayonora. Good night. Adios. Over and out.