Desktop Dynamo

On more than one occasion, either in conversation or on this site, I've said that my characters call the shots and ... like my readers ... I'm just along for the ride.

True, I'm the ringmaster, conductor, field general ...use any label you wish to describe my role as the one who channels the story my characters are telling me.

But they call the shots.

Now most of the time, that's not an issue. On occasion, though, it puts me on the spot. I've arrived at just such a spot with No Cognitive Defect.

It seems Anita has a tendency to cuss a bit. A lot. Okay ...a heckuva lot.

While this might not be a problem for a traditional novel, it presents me with a dilemma. This novel is "on the web" and I try to keep my site clean. There is a smattering of mild profanity here and there, but I weigh carefully when to use it. And I long ago decided: "No F-bombs!"

And now it turns out the Anita uses the F-bombs freely. (I swear it's as much a surprise to me as it will be to Wilson, eventually.)

If I am fortunate enough to sell NCD one day, I'll deal with the F-bomb issue at that time. But for this site, I compromised. Wherever Anita drops an F-bomb, I've replaced it with a short F___ or longer F___ing or some other such device.

That being said, I'm going offer a list of substitute words you can use when you see one of these devices:

frog (but this only works for the short F-bomb. I don't think "frogging" is a verb.)

flip/flipping (a little nod there to the movie Napoleon Dynamite)

freak/freaking (the words television uses when they overdub movies full of F-bombs. But guess what, gang: They sometimes forget to "clean up" the closed captions and an F-bomb slips by.)

fart/farting (No, this doesn't really work...I just want to see if you're paying attention.)

filibuster/filibustering (Not a curse, but it really should be, shouldn't it?)

falafel (again, only works for the short F-bomb, but it makes me giggle. "What the falafel, Evan?" Say it out loud. I can't. Like I said, I giggle. But I just had my twelfth cup of coffee, and reading the phone book might make me giggle).

Mind you, these are just suggestions. Feel free to substitute your own words. Or, hey, if you dare...just let Anita be Anita. I can't control her...and maybe you won't want to!